1
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Previously on Boston Legal.

2
00:00:04,437 --> 00:00:06,667
You know why she dumped me?
Because I'm a lousy kisser.

3
00:00:06,773 --> 00:00:08,400
Maybe you could use
some... pointers.

4
00:00:08,508 --> 00:00:10,066
- We had sex.
- Yes.

5
00:00:10,176 --> 00:00:15,079
- Mkeba was only attacking Armus in revenge.
- My first trial. I blew it!

6
00:00:15,181 --> 00:00:18,344
I've never been involved in a case
that was going as badly as this one.

7
00:00:18,451 --> 00:00:20,419
- So what do I do?
- You could run.

8
00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:24,513
Do you have any evidence that Mr. Shore
is hiding Mr. Mkeba?

9
00:00:24,624 --> 00:00:26,751
- Not yet.
- Sorry I'm late, good people.

10
00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:29,192
Edwin, everything all right?

11
00:00:29,295 --> 00:00:31,786
Hunky-dory. Hunky-dory.

12
00:00:42,442 --> 00:00:45,570
- Did he escape?
- He did not. He was released.

13
00:00:45,678 --> 00:00:47,407
Are we to assume
that he's recovered?

14
00:00:48,982 --> 00:00:50,882
We are.
Gentle, soothing tones.

15
00:00:50,984 --> 00:00:53,817
No sudden movements.
We don't want to startle him.

16
00:00:58,191 --> 00:01:02,560
Bonjour, mes amis!
Edwin Poole is back!

17
00:01:02,662 --> 00:01:05,130
- Edwin, welcome back.
- Shirley.

18
00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:07,756
- Edwin.
- Paul.

19
00:01:07,867 --> 00:01:10,461
- Edwin.
- Brad.

20
00:01:11,604 --> 00:01:13,401
- Glad to see you're-
- Well?

21
00:01:13,506 --> 00:01:16,498
- Well, yes.
- Shirley, this is for you.

22
00:01:16,609 --> 00:01:19,305
- What is it?
- It's a signed, certified letter from New Beginnings...

23
00:01:19,412 --> 00:01:21,607
stating that I am
100% mentally healthy.

24
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- How lovely. You had it framed.
- Mm-hmm.

25
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That would make you the only
certifiably sane person here.

26
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Oh, my God!

27
00:01:31,224 --> 00:01:33,124
- Edwin Poole.
- Denny Crane.

28
00:01:33,226 --> 00:01:34,284
- Name on the door.
- Mine too!

29
00:01:34,394 --> 00:01:35,986
- Crane-
- Poole and-

30
00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:38,291
- Schmidt!
- Man, you look great.

31
00:01:38,398 --> 00:01:39,695
- Still mental?
- Over it.

32
00:01:39,799 --> 00:01:41,357
- You?
- Never. Mad cow.

33
00:01:41,468 --> 00:01:43,333
- Denny Crane.
- Edwin Poole.

34
00:01:43,436 --> 00:01:45,131
- Crane-
- Poole and-

35
00:01:45,238 --> 00:01:47,706
- Schmidt.
- Take a picture.

36
00:02:23,910 --> 00:02:28,506
So, Edwin, is the plan
to come back full-time?

37
00:02:28,615 --> 00:02:31,345
Big-time.
I'm coming back big-time.

38
00:02:31,451 --> 00:02:34,011
- Ah.
- Shirley.

39
00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:37,521
I must admit during my many long nights
at the laughing academy...

40
00:02:37,624 --> 00:02:40,092
as I lay in bed, in want-

41
00:02:40,193 --> 00:02:42,252
Oh, yeah.
It helped to think of...

42
00:02:42,362 --> 00:02:46,230
all those times
you and I were... carnal.

43
00:02:46,332 --> 00:02:50,166
- We were never carnal.
- But it helped to think of it just the same.

44
00:02:50,270 --> 00:02:51,931
- Edwin-
- Yeah?

45
00:02:52,038 --> 00:02:54,438
It's important to take things
slow at first.

46
00:02:54,541 --> 00:02:58,068
No worries. It's not lost on me how the world
is moving too fast these days.

47
00:02:58,178 --> 00:03:01,579
Everyone on their P. D. A.'s,
their cell phones.

48
00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:04,172
Competition, overworked,
underpaid, running, running, running.

49
00:03:04,284 --> 00:03:07,879
I was just the first one
to react to the artificial way we're living.

50
00:03:07,987 --> 00:03:10,785
The canary in the coal mine.
The sensitive one.

51
00:03:10,890 --> 00:03:13,791
Um, this is Phil Mickle.

52
00:03:13,893 --> 00:03:16,191
- He's here to hook up your computer.
- Good God.

53
00:03:16,296 --> 00:03:18,924
Will you look at the size of that?

54
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:23,059
Phil, you remember Edwin,
the sensitive one.

55
00:03:43,423 --> 00:03:46,984
Look, I paid my taxes.
Whatever this is about, I did not do it.

56
00:03:47,093 --> 00:03:52,326
- We're looking for Alan Shore, please.
- Huh. Alan!

57
00:03:52,432 --> 00:03:56,129
Men with guns again.
It wasn't me.

58
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,227
- What's going on?
- Alan Shore?

59
00:03:58,338 --> 00:04:00,272
- It depends.
- You're under arrest.

60
00:04:00,373 --> 00:04:03,501
- Arrest for what?
- Aiding and abetting a fugitive...

61
00:04:03,610 --> 00:04:07,478
obstruction of justice and conspiracy
to aid a defendant to avoid prosecution.

62
00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:10,640
You just described anyone
who's ever given money to Tom DeLay.

63
00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:12,650
Please put your hands
behind your back.

64
00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:15,016
Do I have to?
It makes me feel so pretentious.

65
00:04:15,121 --> 00:04:18,579
Alan, please, don't joke.
They don't look funny.

66
00:04:18,691 --> 00:04:22,127
- You have the right to remain silent-
- Must you? I'll waive reading.

67
00:04:27,467 --> 00:04:31,267
I'll get you a lawyer.

68
00:04:44,917 --> 00:04:47,750
Evidently he advised a client
to flee the country.

69
00:04:47,854 --> 00:04:49,822
- Told him to go where?
- Nimmo Bay.

70
00:04:49,922 --> 00:04:51,822
- The arraignment's at 10:00.
- Which I'll handle.

71
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- Which you won't.
- He asked for me, Shirley.

72
00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:56,894
We better call the managing partners
and present this to them...

73
00:04:56,996 --> 00:04:59,226
before they hear it on the news.

74
00:04:59,332 --> 00:05:02,631
- That doesn't make sense.
- I don't date men at the office.

75
00:05:02,735 --> 00:05:05,329
- That's stupid.
- Well, just the same.

76
00:05:05,438 --> 00:05:08,601
Look, in order for relations to be
as compatible as they were, two peop-

77
00:05:08,708 --> 00:05:10,608
Let me just
stop you right there.

78
00:05:10,710 --> 00:05:14,271
Any man that I would be with,
he would use the word "sex. "

79
00:05:14,380 --> 00:05:18,339
He would never say "relations. "
And certainly not to describe what we did.

80
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Come on, Brad.
We were like a couple of wild apes.

81
00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:23,584
Exactly. And if you're so quick
to measure a man by a kiss...

82
00:05:23,690 --> 00:05:26,557
why not attach a little bit
of weight to his ability to intercourse?

83
00:05:26,659 --> 00:05:28,854
- I don't want to sue.
- Stop making it about you.

84
00:05:28,961 --> 00:05:31,293
I need to sue.
I need to make money for this firm.

85
00:05:31,397 --> 00:05:33,490
- For that, I need a victim.
- But I'm not a victim!

86
00:05:33,599 --> 00:05:35,533
- Of course you are, Paul. You're gigantic.
- "Phil. "

87
00:05:35,635 --> 00:05:39,594
Something has gone amiss here.
People simply do not grow this large.

88
00:05:39,706 --> 00:05:41,731
For God's sake,
you need to blame somebody.

89
00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:43,866
This is America.

90
00:05:45,945 --> 00:05:50,177
42444, the Commonwealth versus
Alan Shore.

91
00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:52,274
- Aiding and abetting.
- Waive reading, Judge.

92
00:05:52,385 --> 00:05:53,750
The charges depress me.

93
00:05:53,853 --> 00:05:56,083
Douglas Kupfer representing
the Commonwealth, Your Honor.

94
00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:59,750
Well, well, well.
Now it all makes sense.

95
00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:02,259
Denny Crane for the defense.
Glad to be back, Judge.

96
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:06,230
What's going on here?
Last week, he was in here defending you.

97
00:06:06,332 --> 00:06:08,527
Yes, Judge.
He gets me off, I get him off.

98
00:06:08,634 --> 00:06:10,431
- We're flamingos.
- Don't ask, don't tell.

99
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- Silence.
- Your Honor, they've already started...

100
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making a farce
out of this matter.

101
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- You made the farce by bringing the charges.
- Silence!

102
00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:23,205
Mr. Shore, you are the defendant.
I don't wanna hear another poop out of you.

103
00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:26,774
- How do you plead?
- Not guilty by reason of the district attorney's insanity.

104
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All right then.
We'll schedule-

105
00:06:29,188 --> 00:06:32,555
- That's not a real plea.
- Not guilty then.

106
00:06:32,658 --> 00:06:35,456
- Do you wish a trial?
- If it's not too much trouble, speedy.

107
00:06:35,561 --> 00:06:38,257
- The Commonwealth stands ready, Your Honor.
- Bail?

108
00:06:38,364 --> 00:06:42,300
I ask to be released on my own recognizance.
I assure you I will not flee.

109
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:46,236
- No objection.
- Fine. R. O. R. is granted.

110
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We'll resume at 10:00 tomorrow.
Adjourned.

111
00:06:49,942 --> 00:06:53,105
- This is a happy day.
- Yes.

112
00:06:53,212 --> 00:06:55,976
People like you always bring
themselves down, Mr. Shore.

113
00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:58,846
And just in case we don't,
we've got you.

114
00:07:02,755 --> 00:07:06,987
- You're a diabetic?
- Yeah.

115
00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:10,620
So you are a victim.
We can sue!

116
00:07:10,730 --> 00:07:15,667
Brother! Congratulations.
You have a real disease.

117
00:07:15,768 --> 00:07:18,259
We'll file in the morning.
This is wonderful, Phil.

118
00:07:18,371 --> 00:07:21,272
I'm gonna make you
a very rich man.

119
00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:23,308
Edwin, you can't sue a disease.

120
00:07:23,409 --> 00:07:26,845
But he has it, Shirley.
The man's a diabetic. I mean-

121
00:07:26,946 --> 00:07:29,471
You cannot file a lawsuit
against diabetes.

122
00:07:29,582 --> 00:07:31,777
- That's a disease.
- There are foundations, okay?

123
00:07:31,884 --> 00:07:33,784
The American Diabetes
Association.

124
00:07:33,886 --> 00:07:36,047
That's a deep pocket.
We go after them.

125
00:07:36,155 --> 00:07:38,350
The American Diabetes Association
is trying to cure it.

126
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:40,358
- They don't cause it.
- So they'll settle out of court.

127
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:42,951
Trust me.
They all pay to avoid a trial.

128
00:07:44,564 --> 00:07:46,896
Edwin, you seemed less crazy
with your pants down.

129
00:07:46,999 --> 00:07:49,661
Thank you.

130
00:07:49,769 --> 00:07:52,397
I don't think you're ready
to resume the practice of law.

131
00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:56,231
What do you mean?

132
00:08:01,447 --> 00:08:03,347
I have no defense, Denny.

133
00:08:03,449 --> 00:08:05,917
- I broke the law.
- So?

134
00:08:06,018 --> 00:08:09,715
So, usually in these situations,
I go with jury nullification-

135
00:08:09,822 --> 00:08:12,723
persuade the jury to focus
on the moral, not the legal.

136
00:08:12,825 --> 00:08:14,759
But here
it makes no difference.

137
00:08:14,861 --> 00:08:17,159
What I did was unethical,
immoral, illegal-

138
00:08:17,263 --> 00:08:22,530
- You're being so negative.
- I need you to close.

139
00:08:22,635 --> 00:08:25,832
- What do you mean?
- I'll try the case.

140
00:08:25,938 --> 00:08:28,372
But at the end,
I need somebody else...

141
00:08:28,474 --> 00:08:30,408
to stand before the jury
and say, "Let the man go. "

142
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,569
And you want me to do that?

143
00:08:32,678 --> 00:08:37,741
There was a day when all
you had to do was say your name.

144
00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:40,341
That's still all I do.

145
00:08:40,453 --> 00:08:43,183
Denny, I find in life,
and I know you must...

146
00:08:43,289 --> 00:08:47,692
that craft doesn't matter so much
if one is a big enough star.

147
00:08:47,793 --> 00:08:51,854
You've spent your entire life getting away with
who and what you are because you're a star.

148
00:08:51,964 --> 00:08:54,228
Big star. I blow solar flares
out of my ass.

149
00:08:54,333 --> 00:08:58,463
I need your star power here. I need you
to stand up before that jury when we're done...

150
00:08:58,571 --> 00:09:00,801
and tell them,
"Let Alan Shore go!"

151
00:09:00,907 --> 00:09:04,968
- Really?
- I have a gut feeling it's my best shot.

152
00:09:11,984 --> 00:09:14,452
Let him go!

153
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:17,614
Denny Crane.

154
00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:19,850
I'll do it.

155
00:09:30,736 --> 00:09:34,194
They have offered me two years
if I testify against you.

156
00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:37,003
- Two years for attempted murder?
- Yes.

157
00:09:37,109 --> 00:09:39,304
- And you took it?
- I have a family.

158
00:09:42,515 --> 00:09:45,006
Alan, I am so sorry.

159
00:09:45,117 --> 00:09:48,609
That's all right, son.
Here, look at me.

160
00:09:48,721 --> 00:09:52,088
- I know where your family lives.
- Denny.

161
00:09:52,191 --> 00:09:55,422
Mr. Mkeba, you'd be insane
not to take that deal.

162
00:09:55,528 --> 00:09:59,294
All I can say to you is that
if you plan to tell the truth...

163
00:09:59,398 --> 00:10:01,593
which I think you should,
please tell it exactly.

164
00:10:01,701 --> 00:10:05,000
- Try not to misquote me.
- Because we know where your f-

165
00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:09,302
Denny. Well, I guess
we'll see you in court.

166
00:10:09,408 --> 00:10:11,774
I'm sorry.

167
00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:17,874
- You should've let me break him.
- You were breaking me.

168
00:10:17,984 --> 00:10:19,281
Alan.

169
00:10:19,385 --> 00:10:21,319
- Jerry.
- I'm so sorry.

170
00:10:21,420 --> 00:10:23,980
- Don't tell me you've turned quisling.
- It's all my fault.

171
00:10:24,090 --> 00:10:26,718
If I hadn't screwed up the case,
you never would've advised him to flee.

172
00:10:26,826 --> 00:10:28,953
I feel so terribly responsible!

173
00:10:29,061 --> 00:10:32,030
Jerry, I made the decision
to do what I did here.

174
00:10:32,131 --> 00:10:34,861
- As such, I take full responsibility.
- Good God. Nobody does that.

175
00:10:37,737 --> 00:10:40,103
I have done it!
I have cracked the case.

176
00:10:40,206 --> 00:10:44,336
I'll assume, for the sake of argument,
one cannot sue diabetes.

177
00:10:44,443 --> 00:10:47,344
- Thank you.
- Better to sue the cause of the disease.

178
00:10:47,446 --> 00:10:50,677
- The proximate cause.
- Now there's lawyer talk.

179
00:10:50,783 --> 00:10:53,183
- Thank you. So I sat down with Pete last night.
- "Phil. "

180
00:10:53,285 --> 00:10:56,982
Right. And I went over his diet
going way back to when he was a child.

181
00:10:57,089 --> 00:10:59,387
Together we dissected
his eating habits, which-

182
00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:04,486
So I think we found it.
We found the cause of his diabetes.

183
00:11:06,165 --> 00:11:10,363
High fructose corn syrup.
We're filing today.

184
00:11:10,469 --> 00:11:12,596
- You're suing corn syrup?
- Yes. The makers of it.

185
00:11:12,705 --> 00:11:16,698
- Do the makers of corn syrup market directly to the public?
- Well, no.

186
00:11:16,809 --> 00:11:19,073
But I don't see how-
All right.

187
00:11:19,178 --> 00:11:21,510
- You're a partner.
- You're a hypocrite.

188
00:11:21,614 --> 00:11:23,844
You lecture me in not being able
to express my feelings.

189
00:11:23,949 --> 00:11:26,918
Meanwhile you keep yours bottled up
like one of Denny's kidney stones.

190
00:11:27,019 --> 00:11:29,385
- You're touching me. That's battery.
- We had sex.

191
00:11:30,790 --> 00:11:34,556
Happy? I said the word.

192
00:11:34,660 --> 00:11:37,094
I am 34 years old.
When I meet a man...

193
00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:41,428
I think long term, is he potentially
the father of my children?

194
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:43,866
You're not.
Every now and again, I'll think...

195
00:11:43,969 --> 00:11:46,028
"What the hell?
Have some fun in the short term. "

196
00:11:46,138 --> 00:11:48,038
But not with somebody
from the office.

197
00:11:48,140 --> 00:11:53,203
Too messy, too complicated.
We should know better.

198
00:11:56,215 --> 00:11:59,082
He never told me he advised
Mr. Mkeba to flee the jurisdiction.

199
00:11:59,185 --> 00:12:02,586
- He did not. He did not!
- Okay. Okay.

200
00:12:02,688 --> 00:12:04,952
Well, after
Mr. Mkeba did flee...

201
00:12:05,057 --> 00:12:07,582
did the defendant indicate
to you in any other way...

202
00:12:07,693 --> 00:12:09,593
that he might have
proffered this advice?

203
00:12:09,695 --> 00:12:12,721
- No. No, no, no.
- Well, then can you tell us...

204
00:12:12,832 --> 00:12:15,960
Mr. Espenson, why,
after Mr. Shore was arrested...

205
00:12:16,068 --> 00:12:19,731
did you come racing to me
to say it was all your fault...

206
00:12:19,839 --> 00:12:21,898
that Mr. Shore
told the client to run?

207
00:12:24,610 --> 00:12:28,637
What I said was if Mr. Shore
gave such advice-

208
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:31,444
and I have no knowledge
that he did- it was my fault...

209
00:12:31,550 --> 00:12:34,383
since I had so totally
screwed up Mr. Mkeba's trial...

210
00:12:34,487 --> 00:12:36,478
leaving him no option
but to run.

211
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:39,615
Mr. Espenson, do you typically
take responsibility...

212
00:12:39,725 --> 00:12:42,751
for what others do, even when you think
they haven't done it?

213
00:12:48,367 --> 00:12:50,995
Nothing further.

214
00:12:52,304 --> 00:12:54,431
Denny, not now.
The closing.

215
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,577
No questions.

216
00:13:01,580 --> 00:13:05,581
The truth is we could sue
the soft drink manufacturers...

217
00:13:05,684 --> 00:13:09,176
and the wheat and corn growers
and the makers of all those sugary cereals.

218
00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:13,452
We could even perhaps sue the federal
government for not regulating these foods.

219
00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:16,153
- Did you know about this?
- Of course not.

220
00:13:16,262 --> 00:13:19,163
We need to contact his doctor.
Find out what the hell is going on.

221
00:13:19,265 --> 00:13:21,233
...with LittleJimmy's
Yum Dingers.

222
00:13:21,333 --> 00:13:24,632
- Because this is what Bob-
- "Phil. "

223
00:13:24,737 --> 00:13:27,365
Phil Mickle grew up eating
more than anything else.

224
00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:30,567
- My client has been consuming three packages-
- He's suing a snack cake?

225
00:13:30,676 --> 00:13:33,736
of these delicious treats
every day since he was five years old.

226
00:13:33,846 --> 00:13:36,144
And we are going to prove
that they...

227
00:13:36,248 --> 00:13:40,344
are as deadly as cigarettes.

228
00:13:40,452 --> 00:13:43,649
Did you see that turnout?
It'll be on every network news tonight!

229
00:13:43,756 --> 00:13:46,691
Edwin Poole is back!
You know what? It's a niche, Shirley.

230
00:13:46,792 --> 00:13:50,922
I can feel it. I'm gonna be the lawyer
who brings down big sugar.

231
00:13:51,030 --> 00:13:53,828
- Edwin, have a seat.
- Yeah? Okay.

232
00:13:56,268 --> 00:13:58,998
- Ah!
- Edwin.

233
00:13:59,104 --> 00:14:02,835
- Mm-hmm?
- You just sued the Lillian Corporation.

234
00:14:02,942 --> 00:14:06,241
- And it feels good.
- You called their snack cakes poison.

235
00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:08,711
- Deadlier than cigarettes.
- I stand behind it.

236
00:14:08,814 --> 00:14:11,442
They could sue you, Edwin,
and us.

237
00:14:11,550 --> 00:14:14,451
Oh, stop it. Don't be silly.
I have qualified immunity.

238
00:14:14,553 --> 00:14:16,885
Only for what you say in court.

239
00:14:16,989 --> 00:14:19,457
That immunity does not extend
to press conferences.

240
00:14:19,558 --> 00:14:22,652
You just accused
the world's largest...

241
00:14:22,761 --> 00:14:25,753
vertically integrated
conglomerate of selling poison...

242
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:30,928
and you did it in your capacity
as a lawyer of this law firm.

243
00:14:51,023 --> 00:14:53,150
They've brought a motion
to dismiss...

244
00:14:53,259 --> 00:14:55,693
and they've counterclaimed
for defamation.

245
00:14:55,794 --> 00:14:58,592
- Now we're the target.
- They didn't waste any time.

246
00:14:58,697 --> 00:15:02,064
- They're also deposing Phil this morning.
- What about notice?

247
00:15:02,167 --> 00:15:04,727
I waived it in the hopes of
getting them in the room today.

248
00:15:04,837 --> 00:15:07,601
If we agree to dismiss
Phil's claim...

249
00:15:07,706 --> 00:15:11,733
maybe I can get them to drop the suit against
us and this whole thing will go away.

250
00:15:11,844 --> 00:15:14,642
Now, how do we get Edwin
to go away?

251
00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:18,547
Let's just deal with this case first.
Then we'll turn to Edwin.

252
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,617
Mr. Shore informed me...

253
00:15:24,723 --> 00:15:28,159
that we would lose the trial
and that I would be convicted.

254
00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:30,285
- Of attempted murder?
- Yes.

255
00:15:30,396 --> 00:15:33,832
What else did Mr. Shore say,
Mr. Mkeba?

256
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:38,131
He told me that perhaps my only option
to avoiding prison was to run.

257
00:15:38,237 --> 00:15:41,138
But as a member of the bar,
he could not advise me to do so.

258
00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:44,175
Now, you interpreted
Mr. Shore's statement...

259
00:15:44,276 --> 00:15:46,141
to mean that you should flee
the jurisdiction-

260
00:15:46,245 --> 00:15:48,543
- Objection. Leading.
- Sustained.

261
00:15:48,647 --> 00:15:52,048
How did you interpret Mr. Shore's
statement? You are under oath.

262
00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:59,553
I guess I felt that if he were
in my shoes, he would run.

263
00:15:59,658 --> 00:16:04,152
But as a lawyer, he was not
allowed to advise me to do so.

264
00:16:04,263 --> 00:16:07,130
Yes. And as a result
of this communication...

265
00:16:07,232 --> 00:16:09,723
with Mr. Shore,
what did you do?

266
00:16:09,835 --> 00:16:12,167
- I fled to Canada.
- You were captured and brought back.

267
00:16:12,271 --> 00:16:15,707
- Yes.
- Thank you, sir.

268
00:16:18,777 --> 00:16:21,302
Denny, not until the close.

269
00:16:23,349 --> 00:16:26,580
So, Mr. Mkeba,
as I understand it...

270
00:16:26,685 --> 00:16:31,247
I specifically told you
I could not advise you to run.

271
00:16:31,357 --> 00:16:35,259
- That's correct.
- Nothing further.

272
00:16:35,361 --> 00:16:38,489
- Mr. Kupfer?
- Prosecution rests, Your Honor.

273
00:16:39,932 --> 00:16:43,527
The witness is excused.

274
00:16:45,037 --> 00:16:47,096
Your Honor, at this time,
the defense moves...

275
00:16:47,206 --> 00:16:49,572
for a directed verdict
of not guilty.

276
00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:51,700
- The prosecution has failed to make a case.
- Denied.

277
00:16:51,810 --> 00:16:54,574
Fine. Then we'd liked to call
our first witness.

278
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:58,081
Ladies and gentlemen,
A. D. A. Douglas Kupfer.

279
00:16:58,183 --> 00:17:01,619
- You can't call him.
- It's not unprecedented, Your Honor.

280
00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:03,688
Especially when defense
goes to bias.

281
00:17:03,789 --> 00:17:05,723
- The only reason I'm on trial-
- Objection.

282
00:17:05,824 --> 00:17:11,387
Sustained. Mr. Shore, the court
instructed you not to poop.

283
00:17:11,497 --> 00:17:13,897
Sidebar, Judge.

284
00:17:15,067 --> 00:17:17,194
Oh.

285
00:17:20,072 --> 00:17:21,972
The only reason
I'm on trial is him.

286
00:17:22,074 --> 00:17:24,269
I should be allowed to
cross-examine him on motive.

287
00:17:24,376 --> 00:17:28,107
My courtroom will not
be turned into a sideshow.

288
00:17:28,213 --> 00:17:31,944
- I told you-
- Your Honor, I have no problem testifying.

289
00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:35,350
In fact, since Mr. Shore rang
the bias bell in front of the jury...

290
00:17:35,454 --> 00:17:37,547
I'd appreciate the chance
to refute the attack.

291
00:17:37,656 --> 00:17:40,420
It is highly unorthodox-

292
00:17:40,526 --> 00:17:43,859
Yes, but as Mr. Shore
pointed out, not unprecedented.

293
00:17:43,962 --> 00:17:48,695
Your Honor, let's just do this.
Let the, uh, defendant take his shot.

294
00:17:53,672 --> 00:17:56,766
I think if we agree
to withdraw the case now...

295
00:17:56,875 --> 00:17:58,968
before generating
massive attorney fees-

296
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:01,911
It's a little late to be singing-

297
00:18:02,014 --> 00:18:06,178
Your colleague declared us to be poison
manufacturers to the whole world.

298
00:18:06,285 --> 00:18:09,777
- Which he regrets.
- I do. It was all my idea.

299
00:18:09,888 --> 00:18:13,483
Yes, well, if only contrition
could make us whole.

300
00:18:13,592 --> 00:18:15,617
We have assembled to conduct
Mr. Mickle's deposition.

301
00:18:15,727 --> 00:18:18,025
- You waived notice. I see-
- If this goes forward...

302
00:18:18,130 --> 00:18:20,121
it'll only bring
more publicity to an idea-

303
00:18:20,232 --> 00:18:22,200
Mr. Mickle is not the first
overweight person...

304
00:18:22,301 --> 00:18:24,769
to pin the responsibility
for his obesity on us.

305
00:18:24,870 --> 00:18:27,930
We look at it as a test case.
Shall we proceed with the deposition...

306
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,133
or shall we take
a break for a snack?

307
00:18:37,216 --> 00:18:39,980
Let's dismiss
and then pay court costs.

308
00:18:40,085 --> 00:18:43,521
- I don't want to settle.
- If they go after you for defamation-

309
00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:46,716
They already are.
The fight is on.

310
00:18:51,830 --> 00:18:53,957
So how would you describe me
to your friends?

311
00:18:54,066 --> 00:18:55,966
I'm curious.

312
00:18:56,068 --> 00:18:59,663
I really don't see what
difference that would make.

313
00:18:59,771 --> 00:19:01,705
- I'd like to know.
- Brad-

314
00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:05,174
- I'd like to know, please.
- Okay, well, um...

315
00:19:05,277 --> 00:19:09,543
I guess I would describe you
as, uh, Buzz Lightyear.

316
00:19:09,648 --> 00:19:12,981
- You think I'm Buzz Lightyear?
- You're very military.

317
00:19:13,085 --> 00:19:16,384
Brad, my idea of how to
wind down after a tough day...

318
00:19:16,488 --> 00:19:18,479
is to pour a glass of wine...

319
00:19:18,590 --> 00:19:22,253
light a candle and get into a hot
bubble bath with my partner.

320
00:19:22,361 --> 00:19:24,556
Can you ever see yourself
doing that?

321
00:19:24,663 --> 00:19:27,564
Well, it's just alcohol
and extreme temperatures.

322
00:19:27,666 --> 00:19:31,534
We're complete opposites.
You know that. Come on.

323
00:19:31,637 --> 00:19:34,902
You haven't the slightest idea
of who I am.

324
00:19:42,781 --> 00:19:46,046
I'm not saying I got fat only
because of LittleJimmy's.

325
00:19:46,151 --> 00:19:50,451
I ate the bad cereals, soda pops,
brownies, cookies.

326
00:19:50,556 --> 00:19:53,218
I've had a sweet tooth
since I was two.

327
00:19:53,325 --> 00:19:57,625
- Yes, but LittleJimmy's is the only one you're suing.
- I was addicted to them.

328
00:19:57,729 --> 00:20:01,529
Whenever I had a sugar low or I
was feeling depressed, I'd eat a box of'em.

329
00:20:01,633 --> 00:20:03,965
And that's what caused
your diabetes?

330
00:20:05,737 --> 00:20:07,102
- She's a skinny.
- Phil-

331
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:10,232
No. I know the way skinnies
think of fat people.

332
00:20:10,342 --> 00:20:13,038
And diabetics, like lung cancer victims
and smokers-

333
00:20:13,145 --> 00:20:16,808
- We did it to ourselves, right?
- I didn't eat three boxes a day.

334
00:20:16,915 --> 00:20:19,748
Did you read the labels
on those boxes, Mr. Mickle?

335
00:20:19,851 --> 00:20:22,581
Did you see the calorie count?
Were you able to perform basic math?

336
00:20:22,688 --> 00:20:27,085
- I was addicted, Thin Mint.
- Let the record reflect that he called me food.

337
00:20:27,192 --> 00:20:29,183
- A cookie, no less.
- Miss Marino, you've been rude.

338
00:20:29,294 --> 00:20:33,424
I might also point out that we are not the first
people to connect junk food with diabetes.

339
00:20:33,532 --> 00:20:36,092
Did a medical professional
ever connect your diabetes...

340
00:20:36,201 --> 00:20:38,931
specifically to LittleJimmy's
snack cakes?

341
00:20:39,037 --> 00:20:42,438
Well, my doctor said my intake
of sugar was too high and that-

342
00:20:42,541 --> 00:20:44,805
But did he connect
specifically your dia-

343
00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:47,674
Yes! He knew I was eating box
after box of LittleJimmy's...

344
00:20:47,779 --> 00:20:49,747
and he told me to stop,
but I was addicted.

345
00:20:49,848 --> 00:20:52,646
Did he use the word "addicted,"
or is that yours?

346
00:20:52,751 --> 00:20:55,652
- It's mine.
- Did he ever say, "Eat less"?

347
00:20:55,754 --> 00:20:57,585
Objection! Rudeness!

348
00:20:57,689 --> 00:20:59,589
What? You can answer.

349
00:20:59,691 --> 00:21:02,023
And when you claim
our product poisoned you...

350
00:21:02,127 --> 00:21:05,096
do you have any
evidence of that?

351
00:21:05,197 --> 00:21:08,598
Do you talk dismissive like that
to everybody or just me?

352
00:21:08,700 --> 00:21:12,158
I wasn't in a dismissive mood when you tried
to wiggle out of this lawsuit, was I?

353
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:16,332
You know what, Vivian?
You're starting to piss me off.

354
00:21:16,441 --> 00:21:20,434
Your client sued us. Did you think I was
gonna come in here all sugar and spice?

355
00:21:20,545 --> 00:21:22,445
Oh, perhaps you would've
liked that.

356
00:21:22,547 --> 00:21:27,314
Consider my willingness to drop this case
revoked, you skinny little bitch.

357
00:21:31,823 --> 00:21:33,950
You were wonderful, Shirley.
No, I'm serious.

358
00:21:34,059 --> 00:21:37,392
You were brilliant! My God, it was-
What's the word? You-

359
00:21:37,496 --> 00:21:39,589
Escalated a situation
I was hoping to quash?

360
00:21:39,698 --> 00:21:42,030
- That's it.
- Edwin?

361
00:21:42,134 --> 00:21:44,068
- Yo?
- Do you have any medical...

362
00:21:44,169 --> 00:21:47,400
or scientific research to back the claims
laid out in your complaint?

363
00:21:47,506 --> 00:21:50,031
Not a shred, but we're just getting
started. We'll do that research.

364
00:21:50,142 --> 00:21:53,077
You and I burning the midnight
oil like the old days, huh?

365
00:21:53,178 --> 00:21:57,046
You may not get an opportunity to do
research if the claim is dismissed tomorrow...

366
00:21:57,149 --> 00:21:59,140
which, at the moment,
seems extremely likely.

367
00:21:59,251 --> 00:22:03,984
- Tosh.
- Edwin, have you prepared anything for the hearing?

368
00:22:04,089 --> 00:22:07,354
Not a thing.

369
00:22:07,459 --> 00:22:11,088
Okay, then, I'll have to
prepare something myself.

370
00:22:11,196 --> 00:22:13,164
- Yes.
- Uh, and, Edwin?

371
00:22:13,265 --> 00:22:16,894
- Hmm?
- I'll need you to leave me alone so that I can concentrate.

372
00:22:17,002 --> 00:22:19,562
- Yes.
- And, Edwin?

373
00:22:19,671 --> 00:22:21,696
- Hmm?
- What I really need...

374
00:22:21,807 --> 00:22:25,675
is for you
not to sue anyone else.

375
00:22:25,777 --> 00:22:29,213
Yes. You can do it, Shirley.
I know you can.

376
00:22:29,314 --> 00:22:31,839
Thank you.

377
00:22:40,158 --> 00:22:43,958
You're thinking.
There was a day I used to do that.

378
00:22:46,698 --> 00:22:49,758
I'm thinking this may be
a mistake putting Kupfer on the stand.

379
00:22:49,868 --> 00:22:52,530
It gives him the opportunity
to put prior bad acts in evidence...

380
00:22:52,637 --> 00:22:54,901
which is obviously why
he so readily agreed.

381
00:22:55,006 --> 00:22:57,099
If he does that, he gives you
grounds for a mistrial.

382
00:22:57,209 --> 00:23:00,440
Not if I've opened the door.
I've gotta be very careful, Denny.

383
00:23:00,545 --> 00:23:03,946
I could end up sinking myself here,
which I have a feeling he knows all too well.

384
00:23:05,851 --> 00:23:09,582
Maybe we should just rest.
This case is thin.

385
00:23:09,688 --> 00:23:14,284
But possibly enough.
And if I lose, never mind jail.

386
00:23:14,393 --> 00:23:17,157
These are felony charges.
My law career would be over.

387
00:23:18,196 --> 00:23:20,289
And that never
used to bother me.

388
00:23:20,399 --> 00:23:22,765
It bothers you because as you get older,
your priorities change.

389
00:23:22,868 --> 00:23:27,965
You begin to realize
what really matters- money.

390
00:23:30,175 --> 00:23:32,166
I've never seen you
look so nervous.

391
00:23:32,277 --> 00:23:34,745
Well, except for the night terrors
and the clowns...

392
00:23:34,846 --> 00:23:38,179
and the girl
and the word salad.

393
00:23:38,283 --> 00:23:41,184
I've never kidded myself. I've always
known how it would end for me.

394
00:23:41,286 --> 00:23:43,846
I'm just not ready for it yet.

395
00:23:43,955 --> 00:23:46,617
But what you keep forgetting...

396
00:23:46,725 --> 00:23:49,888
is at the end of the day,
you always have me.

397
00:24:11,683 --> 00:24:14,243
I'm into rock climbing,
competitive biking.

398
00:24:14,352 --> 00:24:16,718
I want a woman who can keep up
with me both physically...

399
00:24:16,822 --> 00:24:21,020
as well as intellectually
and who is also incredibly hot.

400
00:24:21,126 --> 00:24:24,357
That's who I am. I've given it
some thought, and you're right.

401
00:24:24,463 --> 00:24:27,398
There's no romantic future between us.
I value our friendship.

402
00:24:27,499 --> 00:24:29,831
I don't want to screw that up.
So, if you're okay...

403
00:24:29,935 --> 00:24:32,062
with going back to the way
things were, so am I.

404
00:24:32,170 --> 00:24:34,866
- Just friends?
- Just friends.

405
00:24:43,782 --> 00:24:48,810
Conspiracy to aid a defendant
to avoid prosecution.

406
00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:52,651
- Isn't that a defense lawyer's job?
- Within the bounds of the law.

407
00:24:52,757 --> 00:24:55,692
Okay, but certainly,
if I were to advise a client...

408
00:24:55,794 --> 00:24:58,388
"Do not tell the police the truth,"
that would be okay.

409
00:24:58,497 --> 00:25:00,988
But if you advised him to lie,
it would not.

410
00:25:01,099 --> 00:25:03,033
And you took it
a step further.

411
00:25:03,134 --> 00:25:07,036
You advised your client tojump bail,
to flee thejurisdiction.

412
00:25:07,138 --> 00:25:09,868
- No. I told him it was his only option.
- Same thing.

413
00:25:09,975 --> 00:25:12,910
No, but come on. If the client
comes to me and says...

414
00:25:13,011 --> 00:25:17,505
"Gee, as I look at things, seems my only
real shot at avoiding prison is to run"...

415
00:25:17,616 --> 00:25:20,346
and it happens to be true,
I have a legal obligation...

416
00:25:20,452 --> 00:25:22,818
to lie to my client,
to disagree?

417
00:25:22,921 --> 00:25:26,721
- No, but-
- And yet if I agree, I've committed a crime.

418
00:25:26,825 --> 00:25:31,785
If that agreement can be construed
as advising him to flee, yes, it's a crime.

419
00:25:31,897 --> 00:25:34,195
And your client didn't come to you
and lay it all out.

420
00:25:34,299 --> 00:25:36,460
You laid it out to him,
which crosses the line.

421
00:25:36,568 --> 00:25:41,267
I expressly told him I was not
allowed to advise him to flee.

422
00:25:41,373 --> 00:25:45,275
While conveying to him all the while
that that is exactly what he should do.

423
00:25:45,377 --> 00:25:47,572
But I'm a kidder.
You know that.

424
00:25:47,679 --> 00:25:52,241
I offered you $10,000
to drop this, did I not?

425
00:25:52,350 --> 00:25:55,581
Yes, as either a transparent
attempt to entrap me...

426
00:25:55,687 --> 00:25:58,485
or a demented plan
to have me recused.

427
00:25:58,590 --> 00:26:00,956
The point is
you didn't take me seriously.

428
00:26:01,059 --> 00:26:03,425
But you claim I was serious
with Mr. Mkeba.

429
00:26:03,528 --> 00:26:06,554
You seem to know this beyond
all reasonable doubt, in fact.

430
00:26:06,665 --> 00:26:09,930
- You weren't even there.
- Do you think you're fooling anybody?

431
00:26:10,035 --> 00:26:13,061
- Do you, Mr. Kupfer? This is a personal grudge.
- No, it isn't.

432
00:26:13,171 --> 00:26:15,105
- However much-
- It's becoming jibber-jabber.

433
00:26:15,206 --> 00:26:18,733
Did you not say
in Judge Thompson's courtroom...

434
00:26:18,843 --> 00:26:22,244
two weeks ago that you would like
to see me suffer?

435
00:26:22,347 --> 00:26:24,679
- No.
- You said your only fear...

436
00:26:24,783 --> 00:26:28,275
was that someone would stab me before you
would get the chance to take me down.

437
00:26:28,386 --> 00:26:30,854
Is it your testimony
to this jury...

438
00:26:30,956 --> 00:26:33,117
that you do not hold
a grudge against me?

439
00:26:33,224 --> 00:26:35,522
It's my testimony that
that grudge is not in play.

440
00:26:35,627 --> 00:26:37,686
- It's not in play?
- No, it is not.

441
00:26:37,796 --> 00:26:41,027
Admittedly, I do not like you,
it makes me happy to be prosecuting you-

442
00:26:41,132 --> 00:26:43,600
- You despise me.
- All right.

443
00:26:43,702 --> 00:26:48,469
- Tell us why.
- You would love for me to tell you why.

444
00:26:48,573 --> 00:26:51,337
That would be grounds
for a mistrial. No.

445
00:26:51,443 --> 00:26:54,935
My grudge makes this prosecution
a little more thrilling...

446
00:26:55,046 --> 00:26:58,015
but you're on trial
because you broke the law.

447
00:26:58,116 --> 00:27:00,983
- Objection. Calls for a legal ruling.
- Sustained.

448
00:27:01,086 --> 00:27:03,884
You advised a client accused
of attempted murder to flee. That's a crime.

449
00:27:03,989 --> 00:27:06,014
- Objection.
- Sustained.

450
00:27:06,124 --> 00:27:10,151
Perhaps you'd like to take the stand now,
put your character in issue.

451
00:27:10,261 --> 00:27:14,994
My client trusted me to tell him the truth,
which trust I honored.

452
00:27:15,100 --> 00:27:17,500
That's my character,
Mr. Kupfer.

453
00:27:25,143 --> 00:27:28,135
We'll have the calendar meeting
for later on this afternoon.

454
00:27:28,246 --> 00:27:30,146
No. I know it's bogus.

455
00:27:35,186 --> 00:27:37,484
I can be there
in about a half hour.

456
00:27:37,589 --> 00:27:40,422
I love it
when he goes to court.

457
00:27:54,506 --> 00:27:57,236
No doctor
or medical professional...

458
00:27:57,342 --> 00:28:00,505
has ever linked his diabetes
to LittleJimmy's snack cakes.

459
00:28:00,612 --> 00:28:02,978
And even if they could, so what?

460
00:28:03,081 --> 00:28:04,981
All the information
Mr. Mickle needed...

461
00:28:05,083 --> 00:28:08,246
to make his informed dietary decision
was right there on the label.

462
00:28:08,353 --> 00:28:12,517
My God, when are people going
to start taking responsibility?

463
00:28:12,624 --> 00:28:15,559
This man snorted down
three boxes a day...

464
00:28:15,660 --> 00:28:17,753
not to mention the soft drinks
and the potato chips.

465
00:28:17,862 --> 00:28:19,887
The only exercise he got
was reaching for the cookie jar.

466
00:28:19,998 --> 00:28:22,432
And he wants to blame us?
Then what?

467
00:28:22,534 --> 00:28:25,628
We outlaw desserts altogether,
we criminalize the cupcake...

468
00:28:25,737 --> 00:28:28,865
because people cannot be
expected to eat in moderation.

469
00:28:28,973 --> 00:28:31,567
It's ridiculous.
Mr. Mickle...

470
00:28:31,676 --> 00:28:35,077
wants to be able
to snack and sue.

471
00:28:35,180 --> 00:28:38,581
He wants to have his cake and eat it too.
And enough is enough.

472
00:28:38,683 --> 00:28:42,449
That's one word this plaintiff
can't seem to appreciate-

473
00:28:42,554 --> 00:28:44,522
"enough. "

474
00:28:51,329 --> 00:28:53,957
Yellow dye tartrazine,
which is a coal tar derivative.

475
00:28:54,065 --> 00:28:58,434
Blue dye triphenylmethane, which is
a petroleum-based product.

476
00:28:58,536 --> 00:29:02,370
Red dye carminic acid, which is derived from
the carcasses of the cochineal beetle-

477
00:29:02,474 --> 00:29:05,136
I'm sorry. Did you say
"the cochineal beetle"?

478
00:29:05,243 --> 00:29:08,178
Carcasses. That's right.
Partially hydrogenated...

479
00:29:08,279 --> 00:29:12,682
vegetable or animal shortening,
which is beef fat, pork gelatin...

480
00:29:12,784 --> 00:29:15,912
which is made from boiled bones,
tendons and skin of pigs.

481
00:29:16,020 --> 00:29:19,649
So far, we're up to
motor oil, bugs...

482
00:29:19,758 --> 00:29:21,658
road tar and pig bones.

483
00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:25,696
So far, she hasn't named a thing that isn't
in the majority of cookies and snack cakes.

484
00:29:25,797 --> 00:29:27,924
And isn't that scary?

485
00:29:28,032 --> 00:29:30,262
No, what's scary is that
we're being singled out.

486
00:29:30,368 --> 00:29:33,303
Yes. It has us all terrified.
May I continue?

487
00:29:33,404 --> 00:29:35,736
Bleached white flour-

488
00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:39,298
The common ingredient
used to bleach flour is chloride oxide...

489
00:29:39,410 --> 00:29:42,345
the use of which has been linked
to the destruction of the pancreas...

490
00:29:42,447 --> 00:29:44,677
and a form of type 2 diabetes.

491
00:29:44,783 --> 00:29:49,277
And finally, the biggie,
high fructose corn syrup.

492
00:29:49,387 --> 00:29:52,788
This product does not metabolize
as a normal sugar in the body.

493
00:29:52,891 --> 00:29:56,987
And it prevents a certain hormone-
leptin- from reaching the brain.

494
00:29:57,095 --> 00:30:00,553
This hormone normally
sends a signal to the brain...

495
00:30:00,665 --> 00:30:02,860
that your stomach is full
and tells you to stop eating.

496
00:30:02,967 --> 00:30:06,266
But whenever you eat anything
with high fructose corn syrup...

497
00:30:06,371 --> 00:30:10,307
your brain thinks it's not full,
and so you keep eating...

498
00:30:10,408 --> 00:30:13,070
and eating and eating.

499
00:30:13,178 --> 00:30:18,343
This product, like many dessert cakes,
is addictive and causes diabetes.

500
00:30:18,449 --> 00:30:20,314
That is what this lawsuit
will show.

501
00:30:20,418 --> 00:30:24,218
As for defense counsel's remark
that the whole thing is ridiculous-

502
00:30:24,322 --> 00:30:26,984
Is it?
The rate of diabetes...

503
00:30:27,091 --> 00:30:31,494
has increased 80%
in the last decade.

504
00:30:31,596 --> 00:30:34,565
Nearly 21 million Americans
have diabetes.

505
00:30:34,666 --> 00:30:38,602
One in three children
will get it in their lifetime.

506
00:30:38,703 --> 00:30:41,831
I just want to say that again.
One in three children.

507
00:30:41,940 --> 00:30:44,101
These companies
are corporate drug dealers.

508
00:30:44,209 --> 00:30:46,439
Their products
are killing our children.

509
00:30:46,544 --> 00:30:49,274
- Objection. This is beyond inflammatory.
- Is it?

510
00:30:49,380 --> 00:30:52,941
One in three children?
You market to children.

511
00:30:53,051 --> 00:30:55,781
At least tobacco companies
say on the packages...

512
00:30:55,887 --> 00:30:58,014
that cigarettes can kill you.

513
00:30:58,122 --> 00:31:02,786
And you have the temerity to accuse
my client of not taking responsibility?

514
00:31:23,214 --> 00:31:28,379
He effectively counseled his
client to skip trial and run.

515
00:31:28,486 --> 00:31:31,353
Now, he prefaced this
by saying...

516
00:31:31,456 --> 00:31:34,016
he was not legally permitted
to give such advice.

517
00:31:34,125 --> 00:31:37,060
But come on.
He gave it all the same.

518
00:31:37,161 --> 00:31:39,391
And the client did,
in fact, flee.

519
00:31:39,497 --> 00:31:43,490
Now, do I have a grudge
against the defendant?

520
00:31:43,601 --> 00:31:45,501
Yes, I do.

521
00:31:45,603 --> 00:31:47,764
But as I said
in that witness chair...

522
00:31:47,872 --> 00:31:50,636
we are not here today
because of my hard feelings.

523
00:31:50,742 --> 00:31:55,145
We are here because Alan Shore
broke the law.

524
00:31:55,246 --> 00:31:57,942
A law he is not above.

525
00:31:58,049 --> 00:32:03,783
A law that the 12 of you
took an oath to uphold.

526
00:32:14,365 --> 00:32:17,198
Denny.

527
00:32:17,302 --> 00:32:20,703
It's the closing.
This would be the time to talk.

528
00:32:26,044 --> 00:32:29,138
Pregnant pause, man.

529
00:32:38,423 --> 00:32:42,018
Who the hell are we kidding?
Defense attorneys make their living...

530
00:32:42,126 --> 00:32:44,526
helping their clients
get away with murder.

531
00:32:44,629 --> 00:32:47,826
We put rapists back on the street
knowing they're gonna rape again.

532
00:32:47,932 --> 00:32:50,526
Let's not pretend we don't
aid and abet crime.

533
00:32:50,635 --> 00:32:54,469
The key is make sure
we cover our asses.

534
00:32:54,572 --> 00:32:57,234
Attorneys do that better
than anybody.

535
00:32:57,342 --> 00:32:59,708
Now, Alan Shore covered his.

536
00:32:59,811 --> 00:33:03,975
He knew he couldn't
legally advise Mr. Mkeba to run.

537
00:33:04,082 --> 00:33:06,050
He expressly said he couldn't
give him such advice.

538
00:33:06,150 --> 00:33:10,746
Did Mr. Mkeba get
the message anyway? Sure.

539
00:33:10,855 --> 00:33:15,656
But technically,
Alan Shore didn't break the law.

540
00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:18,752
Ass covered. Over and out.
Not guilty. Simple as that.

541
00:33:18,863 --> 00:33:23,266
Oh, and here's another thing
about asses.

542
00:33:23,368 --> 00:33:26,337
Not you.
We'll get to you in a second.

543
00:33:26,437 --> 00:33:29,031
If you have too much success
against the D. A.'s office-

544
00:33:29,140 --> 00:33:32,701
Alan Shore has had a lot, especially against
this putz- Beats him every time.

545
00:33:32,810 --> 00:33:35,677
- Objection.
- Sustained. Mr. Crane.

546
00:33:35,780 --> 00:33:39,739
I'm sorry, Your Honor.
Too much success.

547
00:33:39,851 --> 00:33:45,255
Eventually, you get a giant bull's-eye
painted on your bottom.

548
00:33:46,824 --> 00:33:50,225
- Objection!
- Sustained. Mr. Crane!

549
00:33:50,328 --> 00:33:53,786
I'm just trying to make a point, Your Honor.
Alan Shore was a target.

550
00:33:53,898 --> 00:33:56,264
He's got a bigger bull's-eye
on his ass than I have on mine.

551
00:33:57,869 --> 00:34:01,066
And this man, Douglas Kupfer,
is aiming for it.

552
00:34:01,172 --> 00:34:03,299
He said he wanted to stab him.
That's subtle.

553
00:34:03,408 --> 00:34:05,433
This is a vendetta.

554
00:34:05,543 --> 00:34:07,704
He wants my client
any way he can get him.

555
00:34:07,812 --> 00:34:10,212
And that's the only reason
we're here. Over and out.

556
00:34:10,314 --> 00:34:12,782
Reasonable doubt.
You all know that.

557
00:34:12,884 --> 00:34:16,820
Last name Crane, first name Denny.
Not guilty.

558
00:34:17,855 --> 00:34:19,789
Over and out.

559
00:34:32,503 --> 00:34:37,236
I've read the complaint.
I can see no detailed evidence...

560
00:34:37,341 --> 00:34:39,605
which would allow me to hold
the defendant liable.

561
00:34:39,710 --> 00:34:43,646
Nor can I conclude these charges
cannot be established during discovery.

562
00:34:43,748 --> 00:34:46,649
The emerging research today
is increasingly indicating...

563
00:34:46,751 --> 00:34:49,083
that the major cause
of disease...

564
00:34:49,187 --> 00:34:51,849
and death in the United States
is our national food supply.

565
00:34:51,956 --> 00:34:56,655
The defendant's motion
to dismiss is therefore denied.

566
00:34:56,761 --> 00:34:58,991
We'll confer and set a trial date.
Adjourned.

567
00:35:00,898 --> 00:35:02,798
You did it, Shirley!

568
00:35:02,900 --> 00:35:05,926
- So the fight's on?
- The fight is on.

569
00:35:08,272 --> 00:35:11,207
If you dismiss the claim
of your own accord...

570
00:35:11,309 --> 00:35:13,539
we will agree to withdraw
our defamation suit.

571
00:35:13,644 --> 00:35:17,910
How sweet. We'll dismiss for a number
with a lot of zeros in it, Miss Marino.

572
00:35:18,015 --> 00:35:21,007
- Otherwise, we have a trial.
- I covet trials.

573
00:35:21,119 --> 00:35:24,816
As do I.

574
00:35:24,922 --> 00:35:27,550
I'm thinking class action.
We should start rounding up fatties.

575
00:35:27,658 --> 00:35:30,752
- What are your thoughts?
- Edwin, my thought is...

576
00:35:30,862 --> 00:35:32,853
let's get you
back in the hospital.

577
00:35:32,964 --> 00:35:36,400
- That's a put-down.
- You're not stable yet, Edwin.

578
00:35:36,501 --> 00:35:40,164
Unless you want your name to come off the
door permanently, it's back in the hospital.

579
00:35:40,271 --> 00:35:42,501
I am not kidding.

580
00:36:03,427 --> 00:36:07,158
- Hey.
- Hey.

581
00:36:08,299 --> 00:36:10,767
What's up?

582
00:36:10,868 --> 00:36:14,668
Nothing.
Just wandering.

583
00:36:14,772 --> 00:36:19,709
- You want this?
- Sure. You don't want it?

584
00:36:19,810 --> 00:36:22,108
I've already had two.

585
00:36:25,449 --> 00:36:28,009
Thanks.

586
00:36:29,954 --> 00:36:32,081
I really liked
what you said earlier.

587
00:36:32,190 --> 00:36:35,887
And you could say it, because, um,
we can be honest with each other.

588
00:36:35,993 --> 00:36:39,588
You know, the way-
the way friends should be.

589
00:36:41,232 --> 00:36:43,257
- Cool.
- It's funny...

590
00:36:43,367 --> 00:36:46,359
'cause I've been talking
to some of my girlfriends.

591
00:36:46,470 --> 00:36:49,098
And, um, it turns out...

592
00:36:49,207 --> 00:36:51,869
there's a lot of different
kinds of friends.

593
00:36:51,976 --> 00:36:54,570
Like, my friend Alyssa
has a friend...

594
00:36:54,679 --> 00:36:58,376
that, um,
she goes to museums with.

595
00:36:58,482 --> 00:37:01,849
That's it. Just museums.

596
00:37:04,388 --> 00:37:08,290
- Do you want to go to a museum with me?
- No. God, no.

597
00:37:09,994 --> 00:37:12,326
I have another friend,
uh, Melanie-

598
00:37:12,430 --> 00:37:14,261
Mmm-

599
00:37:16,100 --> 00:37:21,265
She, uh- She has a friend- this guy-
and they have an understanding.

600
00:37:21,372 --> 00:37:24,933
It's, um- It's called
friends with benefits.

601
00:37:28,079 --> 00:37:32,345
- You've heard of it?
- Uh, friends with benefits, yes.

602
00:37:32,450 --> 00:37:34,918
But maybe it's not
what you're talking about.

603
00:37:35,019 --> 00:37:37,579
Actually,
you should just tell me.

604
00:37:39,023 --> 00:37:43,153
Well, we would, um,
as friends do...

605
00:37:43,261 --> 00:37:48,426
help each other out
when... in need.

606
00:37:48,532 --> 00:37:53,299
- Need of-
- Intercourse.

607
00:37:53,404 --> 00:37:56,601
- Which would be the-
- Benefit.

608
00:37:58,376 --> 00:38:02,369
I have never had
that kind of friend before.

609
00:38:05,950 --> 00:38:10,444
But I have to admit I can imagine
circumstances where that would be beneficial.

610
00:38:15,259 --> 00:38:18,194
- Great.
- Great.

611
00:38:18,296 --> 00:38:20,696
Great.

612
00:38:22,667 --> 00:38:25,659
So when do these benefits
kick in?

613
00:38:25,770 --> 00:38:28,637
Tonight too soon?

614
00:38:59,103 --> 00:39:03,335
Miss Foreperson, has the jury
reached a unanimous verdict?

615
00:39:03,441 --> 00:39:07,138
- We have, Your Honor.
- What say you?

616
00:39:07,244 --> 00:39:10,611
On the matter of the Commonwealth
of Massachusetts versus Alan Shore...

617
00:39:10,715 --> 00:39:13,878
we, thejury,
find the defendant, Alan Shore...

618
00:39:13,984 --> 00:39:16,248
not guilty of all charges.

619
00:39:16,354 --> 00:39:20,120
This concludes thejury's service
as well as this trial.

620
00:39:20,224 --> 00:39:23,193
You are dismissed
with the thanks of this court.

621
00:39:23,294 --> 00:39:26,593
- Mr. Shore, you are free to go.
- Thank you.

622
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:31,691
Ooh, what a nail-biter.

623
00:39:31,802 --> 00:39:35,602
Mr. Shore, one day I hope
to speak at your funeral.

624
00:39:40,711 --> 00:39:42,838
Thank you, Denny.

625
00:39:42,947 --> 00:39:46,576
You pulled it out of,
well, your ass, I guess.

626
00:39:46,684 --> 00:39:49,949
- Scotch?
- Indeed.

627
00:39:54,525 --> 00:39:57,926
I was lucky. IfJavert hadn't decided
to prosecute me himself-

628
00:39:58,028 --> 00:39:59,962
Nah, the case was too thin.

629
00:40:00,064 --> 00:40:02,624
The simple truth is
you did cover yourself.

630
00:40:02,733 --> 00:40:05,864
They never would've got you.
Not beyond reasonable doubt.

631
00:40:05,970 --> 00:40:09,838
- I was lucky I had you.
- Still undefeated.

632
00:40:09,940 --> 00:40:14,240
- Never lost, never will.
- It was a deft touch with the underwear.

633
00:40:14,345 --> 00:40:17,610
All's well that ends well.

634
00:40:17,715 --> 00:40:21,151
Two years of jail time
didn't exactly end well for Mr. Mkeba.

635
00:40:21,252 --> 00:40:24,221
Well, he nearly beat a man
to death.

636
00:40:24,321 --> 00:40:28,155
He deserves to go to jail.
People need to take responsibility.

637
00:40:28,259 --> 00:40:30,227
- Hell, that's what you did, right?
- No.

638
00:40:30,327 --> 00:40:33,353
In the end, I didn't have to take
responsibility for my actions.

639
00:40:33,464 --> 00:40:36,126
I'm drinking scotch
on the balcony.

640
00:40:36,233 --> 00:40:39,634
I bared myself in open court for you.
If you haven't got the decency...

641
00:40:39,737 --> 00:40:43,764
to celebrate your own victory,
celebrate mine, for God's sakes.

642
00:40:43,874 --> 00:40:46,707
- To triumph.
- And to me.

643
00:40:46,811 --> 00:40:48,972
King of the world.

644
00:40:51,782 --> 00:40:53,875
Are we setting a bad example?

645
00:40:53,984 --> 00:40:56,214
- I shoot people.
- I bribe them.

646
00:40:56,320 --> 00:40:58,015
- We drink.
- Smoke.

647
00:40:58,122 --> 00:41:00,283
- I'm unfaithful.
- Not to me.

648
00:41:00,391 --> 00:41:03,656
- Never to you.
- We're not setting examples, Denny.

649
00:41:03,761 --> 00:41:06,321
We're just being true
to who we are.

650
00:41:07,731 --> 00:41:11,394
- Who are we?
- Denny Crane.

651
00:41:11,502 --> 00:41:14,562
- Alan Shore.
- Leaders of men.

652
00:41:14,672 --> 00:41:16,799
With bull's-eyes on our asses.

653
00:42:05,856 --> 00:42:08,620
You stinker!

